16 June 2010


i spent a few days in boone this past weekend, and although the trip was great overall, i have to say that it was filled with some mixed emotions. more than anything i realized that, at this point in my life, nostalgia is among my least favorite emotions. although it was nice in some ways to spend time driving and walking around town and campus reminiscing, i also felt a lot of sadness. more than missing college itself i felt a tangible loss for the way relationships were during that part of my life.. how truly involved and connected i was with the people closest to me.. i think i felt more known in college than i really have since then. i mean, since leaving boone i haven't lived in one place for longer than a year.. so, by the time i've gotten close to that comfortable, transparent, connected point in relationships outside of my family, i'm gone. i guess in the midst of this i'm realizing more and more just how vital community is to me.. to know and be known by people and to share life. i'm not a "spread myself thin" kind of friend.. it takes time for me to show someone who i am, and at times i think i keep myself from doing so if i fear that the effort that it takes will end up being in vain. i'm not saying that this is a good trait to have all around, but i am thankful that i put care and concern into the relationships i have instead of giving parts of myself to anyone who's might show a bit of interest at the moment. anyway, all of that to say that i'm definitely aware of the fact that i haven't yet come down off of the transition rollercoaster.. although we've been "settled" here in north carolina for close to a year, i'm still feeling the effects of all that's gone on in life in the past few years. man, life is quite a process, huh?

on the brighter side, there is a lot lot lot that i'm so thankful for in life right now. for one, my sister is moving to raleigh in a little over a month, and that is a season that i am looking forward to like crazy. also, d and i are definitely spending more time with friends and family lately; which is a blessing in so many ways. i was thinking the other day that a specific way i feel like i can pinpoint the Lord directly answering prayer in my life is when it comes to relationships.. i'm experiencing that right now, and i really believe that he knows when and how the cries of my heart need to be answered in that area. so, although i definitely miss how things have been as far as certain relationships in the past, i have hope and excitement about what's coming. i'm also thankful for times that i've had recently when i've been able to look back at the yearish that we spent in california with fondness and have been able to clearly see some of the purpose that God had for having us there... yes, very thankful for that. and of course, i am so thankful for our sweet little rubes.. she is nothing short of a blessing and literally does something daily that either melts my heart, cracks me up, or highlights an area in which i really need some work.. how can a kid do all of that?? it's pretty neat.

thanks for being interested in things i have to say.. this was a bit of a ramble, but i'm glad i got it out. happy wednesday. :)

oh the things you can find on google images.

1 comment:

Kim Smith said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Alinna! I think that you are doing a wonderful job being "in transition" and I'm glad that you are here.

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