10 August 2009

it hit me yesterday that everyone's got something.. and by something i mean something going on in their life that's hard. that hurts. that's uniquely difficult for them, and that they may or may not share, but regardless, it's there.

sharon and i ran into a family friend/supporter of theirs at sam's yesterday, and after she talked with them it hit me. the wife has health issues and was walking around sam's with an empty cart she didn't intend to use because she needs it for support to walk around. i'm not sure exactly what it was about that knowledge that did it. maybe just being around so many different people during our travels in the past weeks, having lots of different conversations, has brought to mind that life is heavy and tough for us all at times. even if things seem to be going well in a lot of areas, odds are there will be at least something happening that's not easy, or good, something that tests us. usually we can either look at our lives, or someone else's, and think that our or their "something" is worse, less bearable. and if it's theirs that's worse maybe there's a strange comfort in that that we wouldn't necessarily admit. for instance, i've seen the story of "matt, liz, and madeline" on tv a couple times and i've started following his blog. in short, matt's wife liz died from a massive blood clot 27 hours after she gave birth to their daughter madeline, and matt has been blogging about his and madi's life together since then. my heart feels so heavy for him, but in the midst of that i am thankful. thankful that it's not me that's experiencing that.. or daniel. his "something" is worse than mine. it's harder and heavier, and although i feel compassion for him i wouldn't trade my life for his. that's ugly, but it is the truth. i think all of us can probably think of someone, a number of people, whose life we wouldn't trade.

i'm not sure what i'm saying here, i guess just expressing some thoughts i've been having that maybe don't have any real point, but here they are anyway.

i guess, although i honestly don't feel this way much (because i'm so human), the fact that we all have something.. struggles, sicknesses, sadness... makes me look forward to heaven (and also mourn for the people who aren't going). because once we get there we won't have them anymore.. any of the somethings. jesus will take them away. i want to say i fully believe that he can do that here, but i don't just 'cause i don't believe any of us would allow him to actually take these things from us fully.. i wish we would, but i think sometimes we want to hold onto them for some strange reason.. or we don't know enough about or believe enough in jesus to believe that he actually could carry them for us totally even before we get to heaven. sad. but it does make me thankful. it's impossible to imagine, but i do believe there's a place that he's preparing for us where there's no pain, no darkness, only praising him forever and ever. amen. and i know it will be good.. even with this teeny human mind of mine.

so since this realization of "everyone has something", i've been trying to pray. pray differently, that is. pray for people who i know or don't know and their "somethings". and to be easier on them. easier on people instead of getting frustrated with their attitudes, driving, and other things that can aggravate me, but instead to see them like i want to be seen. as someone who is just trying to get through life despite my "somethings", and who needs kindness even from strangers.. because we can never ever know just what someone else is going through, so i think it's best just to treat each other the best we possibly can and wait for that day when jesus comes.

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