20 March 2015

five minute friday : REAL

well fancy that, even after being severely neglected, my blog still exists. the writing bug is always biting, but when i finally get a second to myself i usually prefer zoning out to saying anything.. be it out loud or in written form. on the other hand, sometimes these ramblings are some of the only ways i can express myself completely and it feels good to do that from time to time. 

i just discovered the "five minute friday" writing prompt and loved the idea behind it. take five minutes and write your heart about. this week's prompt is "REAL"; which seemed like the perfect week to start. i love few things more than being real and getting the same from others, so i thought i'd take a bit of naptime to write down some real words and then move on with my day. 

if i were being real, i'd tell you that as grateful as i am for so so many things in my life, sometimes i feel like the days just spin in circles around me. these 1200 square feet in this apartment with four faces that i see every day asking for three meals and ten snacks washing the same clothes today that i washed yesterday because someone threw up on them or wiped peanut butter on the sleeve.. it all just starts to blur together. i started #ayearofthanksgiving2015 on my instagram account because i felt this attitude creeping in right when we moved to fayetteville. this is the one place i never wanted to live and then, here we were. 

why is it so much easier to concentrate on the things that make us feel discontent than to revel in the blessings? i hate that part of my flesh. i love the part of myself that wants to tell my story to be an encouragement, and despise the parts that want to tell it for pride's sake. i love the part of myself that trusts in Him to be my supply, but despise the parts that can't seem to think of Him without doubts creeping in. i love the part of myself that wants to connect with community, and hate the parts that allow comparison to be the thief of my joy. 

so, if i were being real today, i'd tell you that my picture isn't always perfect. i'm selfish and whiny, cynical and entitled, but in the depths of myself, i do trust that His grace is sufficient for me. i do have at least a few minutes everyday when i look around and know that the seemingly ordinary moments are actually extraordinary and oh so fleeting. i do feel grateful and also unworthy of my calling as a wife and mom. i really wouldn't trade it for anything.

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