02 November 2009

back at it..

well, it's definitely been awhile since i put anything of substance on the blog, so i thought i'd give it a whirl tonight. i guess i'll just dive right in. i think i've realized lately that i've gotten myself into a rut when it comes to my relationship with God. not purposefully, but i can now see that slowly but surely i've gotten further and further from him, and now i want to get back.. but the main realization i've had is that i'm not really sure how to do it. i journaled for awhile the other night and i was trying to be honest with God about how i'm feeling.. and kind of figuring out how i'm feeling in the process of that. i think what it comes down to is that i don't really know how to get back to a place where i want to be with him. even while i was journaling i wasn't quite sure what to say or what i wanted to get out of it.. and then i started thinking, "well, who's to say i need to get anything out of this at all.. it's not about me." i think i was really convinced that once we (we as in me, daniel, and ruby) were settled back in north carolina, and even before that, once i had ruby and was at home more often i would have such a strong relationship with the lord and devote so much time to him. well, needless to say that hasn't happened. sadly, i think about it daily and even gear up for time with him.. and then it doesn't happen. i'm not sure why. it's like i don't know what to do.. what to read.. what to say.. or, honestly, why i do it. i know it sounds terrible, but i feel like i'm at this funky place where i don't even know what to do with my relationship with God. it's like i've gotten numb or something. so bad. and i miss it, but it's almost like i miss it because being in the word, praying, and walking with him are things i've known for a long time should be part of my life but not really because i remember what it feels like to have that full and rich connection to him. on the bright side, i do feel like i'm slowly shaking off this weirdness and missing God for real, and in doing so it almost feels like i'm starting over with him in a way. and even though it feels funny, i like it. it's like i'm reestablishing what it means to be close to God for me, and i think that's good especially after growing up in the church and getting "programmed" in christianity in some ways. nevertheless, i guess it's a process, so be prepared to hear more about that over time.

as for a little update about life for us, things are great. daniel is enjoying his job at hhgregg, and he's continued to be his stand-up self which is in turn helping him to succeed in his sales. i have started watching a sweet little girl named lilley one day a week, and i'm enjoying hanging out with her mom a bit on those days. we've also started going to a church called visio dei that we're really enjoying.. we've started going to a home group once a week through the church as well, and that's helping us to meet some more friends and feel more at home at church. of course, ruby is still the sweetest thing around and is growing like crazy. she is so fun and i'm thankful that my days never have a dull second being with her. we're so thankful that she's healthy and thriving.. she lights up our lives every day. we love being closer to our families, but there are definitely california friends we miss.. wouldn't it be wonderful to have everyone you love in one town?? we moved into an apartment a couple miles from where daniel works, so that's convenient since we're still working with one car. it's nice having our own space, but there are definitely days when i miss living in the mehaffie house. we're so blessed, and there's not a thing we can complain about.

thanks for keeping up with us.. i was excited to see that our blog even has followers! i couldn't believe it. hopefully i'll be motivated to do some crafty things soon.. and when that happens, i'll post about that too.

now, i'll let some pictures do the talking.

a little family time at the nc state fair.

the little froggie getting some love from grams on halloween.

the happiest frog i know.

i just can't get enough of that face.

d turned 26!

auntie v came to town.

loving on the little girl.

ruby got to meet her gigi during family weekend in boone.

a little bonding time with poppop. :)

a temple cry played an awesome concert at the high country praise festival. rubes made a great mascot.

excited to see kirbside and chris.

getting a little love from mimi.


AnniePat said...

love those gummy grins!!

i know what you mean with the God stuff...it is haunting and absolutely crazy how much i neglect time with God. i want to want to be closer. it's so weird.

Kelsey said...

Aw! We met y'all on Daniel's last birthday. How so much has changed since then!! Thanks for the update! I don't know if we're some of the "California friends" you miss, but we definitely miss y'all! :)

Kara @ KSS said...

Ruby is a cutey. :)

My relationship with God has felt dully, lately, also. And like I'll read certain things and be like, wow, that's awesome, I need to implement that in my life...and then the minute I close the book I forget.

For now, I'm trying to be a lot more diligent about reading my Bible daily according to a reading schedule. I've found that it's the one thing that really pulls me closer to Him. Devotionals and Bible studies are great, but they just can't fill the same place in my life that reading some Scripture can. At least, that's what I've figured out from experience. Bible studies, devotionals, and other books enrich my Christian walk, but they can't build it. If I leave my general Bible reading out, it's like I have no substance to fall back on.

Just my thoughts. :)

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