18 May 2011

[un]natural progression..

i feel like calling life a "natural progression" is something you hear people say a lot. i either don't think that's really true, or what i picture as a natural progression isn't what it actually is. maybe before (like during high school and college when i looked ahead to what i thought it might all look like for me) i thought of a natural progression as predictability. for example, i will finish school, get a job, meet a mate, marry him, have kids (after a reasonable amount of time), settle down and raise them, work some more, retire at some point, enjoy life, and then die. although i'm not very far along in this list, i'm at the same time very far along in this list. 

my natural progression got unnatural real quick. 

i just wish we didn't do that to ourselves. if i didn't spend time thinking so much about how my (and our) life should look, then i in turn wouldn't end up spending so much time worrying about how that varies from how it does look. if i hadn't talked in college about how i wasn't going to be one of those girls who had the walk across the stage at graduation turn into a walk down the isle, i wouldn't spend the time i sometimes do thinking about how i did just that. if i didn't talk about how we didn't want to be one of those christian "honeymoon baby" couples, i wouldn't be so thrown off course by the fact that we are. too bad we don't realize earlier in life what i feel like i'm trying to get through my head now.. that my natural progression is natural for me, not in comparison to anyone else. boy, does that take the pressure off.

proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans,
but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

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