flawed..

although i do attempted to add some "saltiness" to the content of my blog, sometimes i find that overall what i include here tends to err on the side of what is flowery and in some ways keeps from showing more of the "realness", you might say, of my life. so, i thought i'd submit some not so favorable tidbits to add some balance..

..sometimes i do not love my place in life right now. i see single/childless free friends around me and envy them at times. parenthood and marriage can be tiring and overwhelming, and i never want to get to the point where i deny that. i don't dwell on these feelings nor do i forget that there are many who want nothing more than a mate and/or child, but nonetheless now and then i really feel like i could use a day off.

..i compare myself more than i should to other people. friends. moms. wives. christians. non-christians. small talkers. crafters. bloggers. child raisers. worker outers. career havers. intellectuals. home owners. debtless folk. wives of regular-hour-working spouses. the list goes on. i often spend more time waiting on who i hope to be than enjoying and appreciating who i am right now.

..sometimes i have roaches in my kitchen and it mortifies me.

..i am yeller. i don't do it all the time and i believe it's something i can and will overcome, but it does happen. sometimes i am much harder on and get more frustrated with ruby than i'd like to, and it breaks my heart and spirit every time.

..i still haven't fully worked through all of the transition that has come during the past few years. i would say that it's made me more fragile emotionally than i'd like to be, but it also makes me self evaluate because if i don't it just ain't pretty.

..i am judgmental. i have more opinions about what other others do than i'd really like to say, and i very often have to ask for God's heart and words towards them because my own need to be put in major check.

..i'm lazy. i lack motivation in a lot of basic areas in my life right now, and i am prone to letting meaningless pastimes keep me from being productive.

..i can be a major nag. sometimes i really don't know how daniel puts up with me.

..i have very little consistency in my walk with the Lord. i doubt a lot, and very often have more questions than answers.

..i deep cleaned our bathroom for the first time last week since we moved into our apartment. in september.

well, there's some of the down and dirty for you. there's more, but there's no need to be excessive. :) like we were talking about at journey group last week, vulnerability is something i so appreciate about others but can at times stray from myself. here's to putting it all out there.