throwback..

vally told me yesterday that she started reading some of our first blogs the other day, and it inspired me to do the same. although i believe the post below is the only one that d has ever written on here, i was so thankful to go back and read it again. man oh man how far we've come since that day.. i'm amazed and so thankful that daniel was such a rock for me when we first found out that little ruby girl was on the way.. and looking back now, i'm even more thankful that it's apparent how God was, and continues to be, faithful in the midst of how unsure, yet trusting, we were. we talked in home group this past week about ways that God has used "evil" for good in our lives, and although i know ruby being our little surprise girl was in no way "evil" from Him, her being a part of his plan for us is definitely an area in which i can say that something totally unforeseen in our plans has been used for such good because it was in His all along. i'm thankful that this blog has been around to be some sort of a chronicle of a bit of the crazy journey we've been on the for the past couple of years.

21 October 2008

surpriiiiise...

So I think that it’s probably fitting to begin my blogging trend after about a year by spilling the beans that Alinna and I are pregnant! I awoke one morning last week only to drink some coffee and telephone some friends on the East coast. I spoke with a good friend who usually asks, "You pregnant yet?". I figured I'd beat him to the punch and 'jokingly' tell him Alinna and I are pregnant. I had no idea that Alinna would come home later only to tell me that she thinks we actually ARE pregnant. So, three pregnancy tests later, we found out we're as pregnant as we were when she took the first test. Why does it seem that we all think the first one is wrong? God has such a sense of humor. He knew when I was joking with my friend that I was exactly right about us being pregnant. I can picture Him laughing the very moment those words fell out of my mouth. He not only knew we were going to have a kid before I woke that very morning, but He knew before Alinna said "I Do" and before my mom had me in 1983. "He knows the plans he has for us."

When Alinna came home and dropped the bomb on me, I was filled with excitement and shock! The moment financial worries popped into my head, I was instantly reminded of God's provision for us in the last four months of marriage. We moved to California in June with tons of questions, a couple answers, God, and each other. He's provided me with a job, us a car, Alinna a job, a roof over our head, another roof over our head when our apartment wasn't ready, and so on. I have NO DOUBT in my mind that HE WILL provide for us in the future. I’m just trying to remember the past while not dwelling on it, live in the present as best I know how, and trust God with the future, not dwelling on that either. I've been reminded of so many lessons this past week that are helping me feel calm and relaxed about the present as well as the future. It's not bad or wrong to ask God questions. We see Habbakuk ask God some tough questions and God doesn't let them go unanswered. Each morning I could easily wake to have the world hit me in the face by ALLOWING wonder and worry to fill my head... Why now with a kid? How are we going to provide when we can hardly afford to live without a kid? Can I put myself aside enough for God, a wife, AND a kid? Does having a kid mean I must give up on my dreams and move to an easier and more comfortable life in North Carolina? It's God's plan and timing, not my own. One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes from Mere Christianity:

“That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking the other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all you natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”

We may think we know the plan, but when we think we do, he's right behind to say, "Oh, no you don't." Although I wish he would answer these questions with neon signs, he never does. We all know God doesn’t want life to be a cake walk. I think he wants us to walk into the fire, step out into the deep blue ocean, be imprisoned for His sake, leave our families, and grow up! All in all, I’ve asked God questions this past week and a half, and though he hasn’t flashed answers my way, Alinna and I are seeing answers as we live in His will.

Just to catch you up on what we’ve been talking over since this “baby news” arrived on October 9, 2008, Alinna and I have decided to remain in California and be a Light out here in the community of Oceanside. Thanks to her for being a fantastic wife that allows to me to pursue my dreams while standing by my side through everything.